How ASMR became a part of my everyday life...
Ok, so I have pretty much gone over the basics in my videos (in that I have experienced ASMR since early childhood) What I really want to talk about is, a bit about how it has become a huge part of my life (as well as the community of course) :)
I do live with Borderline Personality Disorder, and am perfectly open about it (well, on here anyways) I have to say, although I am in treatment and all that good stuff, ASMR has guided me to one of the biggest changes in my mentality since..well, ever!
We will start with religion. Now, I have never been "religious" so to speak. It is actually something that makes me very uncomfortable. I do not judge anyone elses religion, but I had some very negative experiences with it being forced on me as a child. The punishments were very strict and abusive when I didn't "obey" to my babysitter, and go to church/pray/etc. So, let's just say...I had many many days locked up in her basement with nothing to do but try and comfort myself..and also think. There were times when a friend would be down there with me serving their punishment. I remember she used to play with my hair for hours.
This was the only time I didn't feel scared/guilty/judged/abandoned.
I was always told that "you are nobody without God" "you're a sinner"..all that stuff. I was always against it after that. It never sat right in my gut, to follow that path. So, when people have asked me.."what's your religion?"..I never knew what to say, I would just look down at the floor..as if I was a bad person. But I still never gave in for what I felt was not right for ME. Then, I heard the term Agnostic! I literally jumped up and down, because..that was it, that was exactly me! It was as thrilling to me as someone "finding a new faith" although..it's no faith at all. It is something that feels free to me. I was always nervous to tell others...they do tend to judge, and if you are reading this...and are agnostic or an atheist yourself..then you get it!
So, there it was...but really, it still didn't feel like enough. I wanted more. More meaning, more proof of something to believe in..not someone. I started therapy last November. It was 4 days a week..6 hrs/day. Gruelling..challenging..almost impossible some days. This is where I was led onto Buddhism. Awareness, Being present in the moment, believing in YOUR energy. THIS...wow, this is what it all meant. To have a mental illness, lead me on to finding a "spiritual" path..which led me to YOU TUBE- which led me to the ASMR community. I am by no means a Buddhist...(yet) :)
Anyways, I guess what I am trying to get at is...ASMR is so much more of a deeper thing to me, because...it gave me a sense (and still does) of being safe/relaxed, even loved. Although I am in a very happy safe time of my life right now, I still depend on something to keep my mind at ease. There were alot of traumatic events in my life..that I am just now learning to overcome, and accept.
Being a part of this community, and not only receiving these phenomenal feelings from others..but being able to have the tools to help them. I feel it is something meditative, and really helps us be in the moment, be aware of ourselves....and just feel so good, that you can unknowingly drift off into a deep peaceful sleep.
Out of all the medications/therapy for sleep/books on sleep...all of that. THIS is the one thing I knew was out there, that is truly devine and special..( it just took me 29 years to find it! Haha.)
Ok, (you all know how I love to say that..well, get ready..I type it alot too) ;) I am stopping this short, before I get too mushy..or start sounding like I'm preaching.
This is just a blip of my story. I am tired..time to watch some asmr vids :) Take care. ZZZZZZ
